What I would tell my younger self…

I found this meme and it was asking what you would say if you could go back and give advice to your younger self. The meme stated it could only be two words and that really got me wondering if only two words what would it be? Would I have some profound words for my self conscious sixteen year old little girl? The words I choose was: Love Freely.

After a few days I kept thinking of this question. There’s so much I would tell myself (hopefully, I would’ve listened but probably not). Each day I learn more and more about the person I am. Some of it I like and some not so much. Anyway, I sat down and wrote myself something and I’ve had this saved for a week unable to find the courage to share… so here I go.

To my younger self,

Love more. You need to see that love is free and when you give it freely it comes back in spades.
Forgive others. Sometimes they’re in too much pain to understand that what they’re doing is affecting you. By forgiving them you’re setting your own heart free. It’s hard and you’ll struggle daily with this, but try.
Judge less. People are flawed and people have scars. They’re human and you won’t enjoy when others judge you–which they will. There will be times that friends will hurt you and times you’ll hurt them, but if they mean anything to you, you’ll work it out.
Forgive yourself because one day you’re going to realize that if you don’t love yourself, no one else will.
Remember your best friends who knew you as a kid and young adult. You’re going to realize one day that those friendships are the most important ones you’ll ever have. They know how horrible you were at one time or another and still manage to love you. They’re there even when you can’t see them. You’ll meet new ones and that’s good, but those core people will have your back no matter what comes. When you lose a loved one, fight with your husband, have a child who is sick…they’ll be there. You just have to call on them.

It’s not your fault. I wish I could engrain those words into your heart so that you’d see that you didn’t cause the avalanche of hell you endured as a young girl. Your father is who he is and made the choices HE did. You’re not to blame for them. Your family is crazy but that’s what makes them unique. The fact that you have a supporting cast like them is a blessing.

Call your mother more. She loves you even though she makes you want to bang your head against the wall. Her love kept you afloat during the times you felt nothing but despair. Give her a break because the life she’s had sucked more than she let you know. You’re also more like her than you care to admit.

Be nicer to your husband. I know this sounds pretty funny but he loves you. He will make errors, he will make fun of you, but he will be by your side when the world feels like it’s closing in. He won’t turn you away and he will hold you when you’re breaking apart. Let him. Let him love you because when you finally do, it will heal you.

Enjoy your children. They’re only small for so long. One day your son won’t want to hug you in public and it’s going to hurt. So hug him all you can when he will let you. Your daughter will always want to snuggle so you’re good there but she’ll hate you at some point. They all do. She will test you and your strength.

Be present. Shut the computer down. Turn off your phone and be present with the people around you. One day, they could be gone and that phone won’t give you a hug. The computer can wait, it will be there. Those words you’re desperate to type will come at another time.

It’s okay to say you’re wrong. I know. I know. You’re looking at this letter saying “But I’m never wrong.” You are. I promise. It sucks but you will be wrong a time or two. When that happens, be humble and say you’re sorry. Those words burn your tongue because of the youth you endured but they’re necessary.

You are worth more than you think. People who love you will lift you up and those that try to drag you down you should cut the string to. Healthy relationships are something you’ll struggle with forever. You want everyone to like you and some won’t–fuck them. It’s okay. You’ll never make everyone happy and each time you try, it’s at your own expense. Life is short and living for others won’t fulfill you.

At the end of the day these words will carry you:
You. Are. Enough.

Love,
Your Older self (who needs to remember everything she told you.)